Those are words of wisdom. More of that can be found in a post titled "This is fun?" at SteveBJJ.com .
Yes, I did print that post out, and I've read it several times since then. But I think I need to read it DAILY!!
I had another one of those evenings at training on Friday. I drove home after class, questioning anything and everything I did. I was yet again on the bottom for most of the duration of a long roll with a white belt. Then I had an ordinary roll with a blue belt (my fault, not his!!) and a reasonable one with a purple belt. Well, that's how I felt, anyway.
The truth of the matter is that I'm still keeping on comparing, and having some expectations of how I should be going, rather than just .... shut up and train.
After some thinking about it, really, I didn't do that bad. I was pissed because I made a couple of stupid mistakes, but at least I'm aware of where I went wrong. In fact, the last roll with the purple belt guy was great. I actually shut down his current favourite pass, a low, hugging, tight sort of a pass which I previously couldn't prevent. During the whole roll I seemed to have time to think, time for small adjustments, time to threaten his arms or attempt a choke. Sure, he didn't go full on, but he doesn't give me much, either. He caught me in a combination he taught us a couple of weeks back (cutting armbar from guard to armbar on other arm), so we laughed about that. He's about my size, and very technical, so I love rolling with him. I always learn so much.
Aside from rolling, we drilled the armbar to omoplata to triangle transitions. I like those types of drills because the hammer into my brain and muscle memory the need to string stuff together and move.
So why on earth would I be disappointed coming out of class? Ok, by the time I'd fuelled up the car on the way home, I had come to decide it had been a good class. But really, I need to stop being so negative. And the only way that'll happen is if I stop trying to measure, compare and be upset about a perceived lack of performance.
I need to .... shut up and train :-)